Why can I comment on an acquaintance’s picture with one eye open, but I have to rehearse my order in my head before getting a goddamn coffee? We are in an age of major social anxiety. And numerous studies have shown that our phones could be the culprit. On one hand, we have the knowledge of the world in our back pocket! If we want to order food, buy a side table, spend thousands on a pair of shoes, or see what thirst trap the latest celebrity has posted, it can all be done from the same device. I mean it’s the future right?! This expansion of technology is supposed to bring people together, put the “social” in social media.

“Everyone around us is living a better life… or so it seems”

Yet, we feel so incredibly alone. We feel inadequate. Everyone around us is living a better life (or so it seems). There’s always someone fitter, prettier, taller, shorter, skinnier, fatter, wealthier, poorer, etc than us. Someone somewhere is out there “living their best life” while we sit behind the screen grabbing our bodies and examining our faces for the “flaws” that these other people don’t dream of having. Or have done a great job of editing it away. Every week there’s another TikTok trend catered to beauty standards that are getting more and more difficult to achieve. We hope to ourselves that maybe THIS will be the trend I’ll succeed at. We question ourselves, our beauty, our lives. We doom scroll for hours feeling more and more like the lives we lead are mediocre in comparison to others.

“We pull up instagram and hope that this makes us look like we’re busy enough to keep away strangers”

Out in the real world we’re scared to strike up conversation. We walk past one another and ignore the existence of the human being that is directly in front of us. Instead of asking someone, “Hi, what’s your name?” We pull up instagram and hope that this makes us look like we’re busy enough to keep away strangers. Even dating has become digitized! Swipe left, swipe right, like it's a game of solitaire or candy crush. But who can blame us? Our phones didn’t come with a “DANGER: PROCEED WITH CAUTION” disclaimer. Especially with Covid this new normal of ignoring each other has been reinforced ten fold. We went through a period of time where getting within six feet of another individual may have meant sickness or even death, not just to us but to our friends and family. And suddenly we are back to the way the world was two years prior? It is hard to enjoy or create social interactions when we are so out of practice.

“Who was I if I didn’t have the comfort of my phone to help me through the days of avoiding social interaction?”

We believe that the dopamine rush of posting a picture and receiving likes in seconds is a much better way to spend time, rather than stumbling through a conversation with someone that makes our adrenaline spike and heart race. When given the choice of sitting alone looking around and potentially making a new friend, meeting a new lover, or creating a new business opportunity, we choose that dopamine hit almost every time. This has left us feeling depressed, socially anxious, and frankly bored when leaving our phones and participating in the waking world. Everything seems to go in slow motion in comparison to the internet we so desperately love. When I deleted all of my social media for almost a year, I genuinely was worried. How would people know what I was doing? What was I without the influence of the internet to tell me that I was doing a good job of meeting beauty standards? Who was I if I didn’t have the comfort of my phone to help me through my days of avoiding social interaction?

“You never know how people are feeling and sometimes acknowledging someone is enough to keep them on Earth”

I found that I read more. I made friends and struck up conversations with strangers. I was more present in my everyday life. Yet on the other hand I found that I missed out on a lot of the aspects of popular culture. Recent album drops from my favorite artists, major fashion shows, and memes that influenced my friend’s inside jokes to name a few. I realized that maybe it isn’t about completely cutting yourself off from the internet, but understanding how insidious it can be to your overall well being. Perhaps it’s noticing that the first thing you do when you open your eyes in the morning is check your instagram. Setting a time limit for how much time you spend online and not following people that make you feel like shit about yourself. Marie Kondo your following list, does this person or account spark joy? No? Then unfollow that shit! Next time you have that instinct to panic scroll through Instagram and side eye the people in front you, lock your phone and say something nice. You never know how people are feeling and sometimes acknowledging someone is enough to keep them on earth. Yeah they could scoff at you, open up TikTok, and ignore your ass. Or they could be your future partner, or best friend. Personally, I think the risk is worth the reward. And that hits hell of a lot harder than an instagram like.