i first learned that my boundaries didn’t matter
when i was a single digit years old.
i learned that i didn’t always have a say
over my body,
or when i did,
my words were empty
to the ones who wouldn't listen.
i was still using training wheels
the first time i screamed
“stop!! please!! it hurts!”
i sobbed
i pleaded
but they just wouldn’t stop…
tickling me
words that i’ve now screamed internally
in a similar fashion
due to similar circumstances
of having my body touched against my will
i’ve learned to prioritize other people’s emotions over mine
i would rather deal with the emotional labor
of a boundary crossed
until my eyes run dry
and my lips go blue
than make another person “feel bad”
now as a double digit year old i’ve learned that
boundaries
are little kisses you are giving
to the parts of yourself
that have become cracked
when other’s emotions outweighed yours.
today i have adrenaline rushes when i say no to plans
or when i leave early
or when i say
“no, i’m not drinking tonight”
today i understand that
as much as i’ve wanted to mean my yes’,
my no’s are what bring weight
to my words
and i finally surround myself
with people
who hear even the faintest whisper of
“maybe”