Healing isn’t linear. Even if you know that you want to get better, or try harder it is guaranteed that you are going to have off days. It feels similar to a drive around San Francisco. There are some streets with inclines that are so steep, you’re scared to take your foot off the gas because you’re worried about falling backwards. You drive so high and on such a steep incline that you have to step as hard as you possibly can on the gas to keep moving, sometimes worrying that your car is just going to give out.

“When you have reached a certain point in your life where you’re ready to start your drive, your journey towards healing and coming out of a downward spiral, it’s so important to be kind to yourself”

Most times, you aren’t able to see what’s on the other side - is it another climb? A steep road downwards? Or maybe the most beautiful view of the city, allowing you to appreciate just how far up you’ve driven. Nonetheless you’re moving closer and closer to your destination. When you have reached a certain point in your life where you’re ready to start your drive, your journey towards healing and coming out of a downward spiral, it’s so important to be kind to yourself. Take the beautiful views with the steep road downwards, recognize when you feel like you’re pressing on the gas pedal as hard as you possibly can and cheer yourself on.

“It’s difficult to take a true, honest look at your life and mental state to realize just how not well you’re doing”

Would you criticize your car while driving downhill? Would you jump out of the car while gassing it up an incline because you’re going slow? No you don’t. You stay through all of it because getting to the destination is worth it. It’s difficult to take a true, honest look at your life and mental state to realize just how not well you are doing. That when people ask how you’re doing, you’re lying through your teeth. The weight of waking up in the morning gets heavier and heavier, like you have a ten pound weight sitting on your chest and weighing on your shoulders. And on top of this, you put in the last of your  energy to save face.

“Being honest with ourselves is difficult enough, why does this have to carry through to opening up to our friends and family?”

We wear masks that conceal our struggles, hide our faults, and make us seem okay. We smile through the pain to avoid judgment, prevent worrying, and even promote our own denial. The irony of all of this faking happiness is just how lonely we feel. We imagine that nobody else is struggling as much as us, we ask why is it so hard for me when it seems so easy for everyone else. But what if it isn’t that easy for everyone else? What if we recognize that for most people, they are carrying something. The grief of losing a loved one, the concern for a friend who is struggling, being the friend who is struggling, the chronic stress from trying to provide for your family, the fear of being accepted in a society that raises up certain groups and puts down others. Being honest with ourselves is difficult enough, why does this have to carry through to opening up to our friends and family? Besides, what is a long drive without company who are along for the ride.