“Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.” 

-Franke Herbert, Dune

Fear has been a companion of mine since I was a child. Sometimes I think of it as a godparent looking over me, watching me grow through the years. I used to think of fear as an enemy limiting my abilities to move freely in the world. I believed it to be the wall that stood between me and my dreams. 

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“When I think about fear.. I think about safety, inequality, and a lack of empathy in the world”

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Now when I think of fear, I don’t think about ghost stories or roller coasters. Nor do I think about serial killers or scary movies. When I think of fear, I think about falling in love. I think about the positive things in my life and how scared I am to lose or ruin them. I think about ordering coffee or performing at an open mic night. I think about safety, inequality, and a lack of empathy in the world. 

“How does one separate out fear from their everyday life? The thing is, we can’t… And I don’t necessarily think that’s a bad thing”

Fear is the rope wrapped around my waist preventing me from jumping off the ledge. It is the invisible cloak I put on when stepping out of the house. It is the lens through which I see the world. How does one separate out fear from their everyday life? How do we navigate the world without fear perched on our shoulders, whispering in our ears all of the misfortune that could take place? The thing is, we can’t. 

And I don’t necessarily think that’s a bad thing. 

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Fear is innate. Fear is primal. If it wasn’t for fear, our prehistoric relatives wouldn’t have survived. Fear prevents pain. Fear prevents death. Yet at the same time, fear prevents life. It prevents risk taking that could result in huge wins or losses. Ask yourself, “If I were to put my fear to the side, how would I live my life?” You’d be surprised at what you find. 

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Fear strips us down to our childhood selves. It leaves us feeling exposed and puts us face to face with all our past trauma. Fear tries to protect us in the only way it knows how. It takes our past experiences and tells us “CAUTION: STOP! TURN BACK AROUND.” If you really think about it, fear is the prevention of discomfort - it is the safety blanket that we wrap around ourselves to avoid stepping out of the unknown and into the ethos. 

“It is only when we break through this false perception and brittle self ego that we step forward into uncharted waters”

My sister told me fear is a mile wide and an inch deep. It projects a fierce angry ocean, the likes of which makes your knees weak and your feet unable to move. It is only when we break through this false perception and brittle self ego that we step forward into uncharted waters. It is then when we finally realize that this “grand ocean” barely reaches our ankles. 

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“Fear is the prevention of vulnerability. It keeps us safe in our comfort zone, away from experiencing pain and growth”

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Fear is the prevention of vulnerability. It keeps us safe in our comfort zone, away from experiencing pain and growth. Of course there are times in which it is inappropriate or dangerous to be vulnerable. We don’t want to ignore the fear we experience when we face an intense physical threat. But let's be honest, for many of us we are blessed to not have that be our modus operandi. The fear we feel in our day-to-day lives more likely involve lower stakes situations such as presentations, trying something new, or asking an attractive stranger for their phone number.

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I know for me, fear has been a constant ruler. It has kept me from asking for what I need - from extra salt at a restaurant to space in a relationship. It convinced me that making myself smaller and agreeable was best. The irony in this fear is that it helps to control pain and suffering at the cost of my growth and happiness. Fear ultimately hurts us more than helps us. 

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“We must do things that scare us - otherwise we become stagnant”

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We must do things that scare us - otherwise we become stagnant, floating around in the amniotic fluid that is our comfort zone. 

“When I think of fear… I see the opportunity to tear my muscles and build them back stronger than before”

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I don’t see fear as a sworn enemy responsible for the pitfalls in my life anymore. I see it as a magnifying glass zooming into the parts of myself that have yet to develop. My fear is my hero’s journey. It is not something I want to rid myself of completely, but something I want to live with harmoniously. When I think of fear, I don’t see a monster or an untamable ocean. Instead, I see the opportunity to tear my muscles and build them back stronger than ever before.

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